I’ve got a toddler on my leg and a baby watching me, yet I will try to write something. If I’m ever going to begin writing on this blog again, this is the way it’s going to be. Snatched, imperfect moments that end in a creation pocked with grammar errors and typing mishaps. But, it’s a moment that’s still worthwhile to me, and hopefully to you who read it.

I don’t have much original to share, but daily, these dynamic, original things are filtered into my life like sun rays through the clouds. Here’s one from already this morning.

Peter called. He’s working on a film shoot this week and haven’t seen him much. The car is in the shop. We need a new transmission of all things. It’s thousands of dollars that we don’t have. A bit of encouragement: the import guy says another woman with a car like ours said she’s been having the same noise in her car for years and nothing bad as happened.

My normal self w0uld be all fears and frets right now, til my mind turned into devils and dust. But, because of some new grace poured into me, I’ve responded instead with: Even so. Even if we end up without a car. Blessed be the Name.

I snatched another moment to read Brother Lawrence and found some encouragement in the way. Brother Lawrence, in his life on this earth, was a monk in the 17th century. Here’s what he said that still reverberates into my small life now, years after he wrote it:

If you can leave the care of your affairs…and busy yourself only with praying to God, you will overthrow the power that presently governs your life and replace it with a better Power. He does not require a great deal of us; all He asks is a little rememberance of Him from time to time, a little worship.  Sometimes we should ask for His grace, and sometimes we should offer Him our sufferings. At other times we ought to thank Him for the grace He has given us and which He is working in us.

There’s a little grace: I got a moment ot write, and say these precious words once more. Perhaps they will seep a littler further into my soul.

Adn now, I’ve been given a felted egg, fresh cooked on Lucy’s cardboard stove, to eat. I better get to it before it goes cold.

- Katie

After much debate and many rewrites we are on the road to shooting our thesis film next week.  Writing this script has been an adventure that do not want to repeat.  I think I’ll do a comedy next time.  Not that it will be any easier, but comedies are by nature more forgiving; if it’s funny it can stay in.  Dramas on the other hand are much more stringent; does it fit with the moral theme, what is the moral theme?  Even if you know those things it getting others to understand just what you are talking about.  If the subject hits too close to home or the people critiquing the work have very defined ideas on the subject then you get lots of notes and not many of them truly helpful.  Story content is mistaken for structure and many rewrites ensue.

Don’t get me wrong.  I think the film will cause lots of conversation.  My guess is that there will be no middle ground; people will either love it of hate it.  If that is what happens then I will have achieved one of my goals in movie making: the anti-apathetic response.

If any of you who read this blog have any story ideas, leave’em in the comments.  I am looking for idea’s for a next film.

Peace.

(I ran spell check and “blog” was flagged as a misspelling….funny no?”

I have finished a very long month of working on film sets.  I guessed that production would be tiring, but experience is an excellent teacher and I have certainly been schooled.  Of course I got sick at the end of it all and am currently fighting off a sore thoat.  The projects should turn out great though.  One of the groups got a chance to shoot their project on the RED camera and the footage is just beautiful.  I’m a bit jealous, but our project turned out well anyway.

In other news, we have a new niece, Kaelyn Elizabeth Sillanpa.  She was born to Brad and Amy on Thursday the 2nd.  All three are doing well and should be home by Sunday or Monday.

Lucy and Elliot are doing quite well and are getting over the colds they had.

Grace and Peace

Lucy Therese is two years old today.  How much she’s grown in just two years! Two years ago, we were glad when she slept, filled her diaper and followed us with her eyes. One year ago, we were impressed that she could stand up and make funny faces at us. Now, we’re amazed at all her new delights.

Lucy loves to dance: quick, slow, jumping high, bending low. She marches, stamps her feet, lifts her legs, crosses her feet, twirls around, and recently mastered the curtsie. She does it all, and gets her inspiration from Balanchine’s The Nutcracker, Disney’s Fantasia and Topol’s Fiddler on the Roof.

She also loves to read. Some books, like Fuzzy Teddy and Goodnight Moon (“Night-night Moon”) she knows so well she can finish the sentences for us. Others, like Pooh’s Pot of Gold, Merry Christmas Curious George and Millie’s Secret, she pages through herself and tells the story in words that make lots of sense to her, but none to us yet.

Lucy has also grown into a loving big sister. The first thing she says when she wakes up is “Elliot” (pronounced “Edit,” by Lucy) and she runs to find him, give him a tender kiss on the head and say, “Heh-whoa Edit. Nice nap.” (translation: Hello Elliot, you had a good night’s sleep.) When Elliot cries, Lucy announces it loudly to make sure Mama doesn’t miss it. Then she pats him on the belly and says, “What’s wrong, Edit?” She helps Mama burp him by patting him on the back, retrieves spit-up rags for Mama when necessary, and also holds up toys for him to look at.

Today, Lucy woke up to a special breakfast: Blueberry Birthday Pie. She opened some gifts (books and a stepstool from Mama and Papa) and then the whole family went to the Grand Rapids Children’s Museum where we ran around, made big bubbles, ran through mirrored tunnels, played instruments and played with tons of other fun things. What a fun day for our active two year-old!

Happy birthday, Lucy Therese. May you bear the light of Christ all the days of your life, and like Saint Therese of Liseux, may you love the LORD more than anything else.

Things have been a bit testy in the Johnson household of late.  I have been working night security on a film set for the past two nights and Katie and Lucy have been sick.  I have really enjoyed being in an old museum with spooky halls and huge, empty rooms and old heating systems that make great zombie sneak attack noises.  I do have the luxury of looking at very expensive film equipment up close with no one looking over my shoulder and being afraid I’m gonna break it.  Of course I am smart enough to not touch it lest I do actually break it.

The film is called “Hopeful Notes” and it is being made by an Italian Production company and is set in Russia.  Who knew Grand Rapids could be Russia.  I am not there during the day so I am not actually on set when cameras are rolling, but I am getting paid so I don’t complain too much.

About Katie and Lucy being sick.  Please pray that they are feeling better soon.  We have changed bed linens about 4 times already due to over active sluices at both ends.  It doesn’t help that I haven’t been home at night when all the fun happens.

Elliot is not sick and is doing quite well.  Thank the Lord.

Peace.

Soon we will have a new (post-womb) member of the Johnson household.  Looking at Katie sparks the Low Rider song to flit through my brain.  My bet is that the crazy, kung-fu contortionist will be with us by the end of the week.  I’ll also lay money that this one will be 8 lbs plus.  Both mother and child are doing well.  Ron will be with us tonight, baring any more train delays.  He does get a free day in the Windy City in part on Amtrak’s dime and I think he will really enjoy himself.

Lucy is doing well.  She is acting a bit under the weather and that is not good, but at least she takes being sick in stride.  I fully expected that children acted on every impulse with great gusto and Lucy tempers herself with skill that belies her sub-two-year-old life.  She really is a joy to have as a daughter.

School has started up again (finally) and I am looking forward to being back in the swing of things.  That means I have to be very serious about writing.  Discipline has never been my strong suit especially when it’s of the self variety.   The classes we have this semester are Cinematography, Production Design, Screenwriting, Directing, Producing, Post Production and Artistic Vocation.  Where Art Voc was my favorite class last semester I am not looking forward to it this semester.  I’m sure Josh will be a good teacher, but I will forever wonder what might have been.

I’ll keep this blog updated with baby news when there is news to share.  (It’s funny that a blog site flags “blog” as a misspelled word.)

Peace to you.

So Kate and I just finished watching The Prize Winner of Defiance Ohio.  It was an OK movie but it spawned a discussion that I would like to share.

The movie is based on a memoir about a family and their life in the late 50’s and early 60’s.  I won’t get too much into plot details, but the interactions of Mom and Dad sparked much thought.  The hero is Mother and her goal is provide for her 10 kids and send them off into the world better humans and simply survive the day and live to the next.  The antagonist is her husband who is quite the stereotype loser 50’s dad.  He drinks away his paychecks and would never be caught dead making dinner or cleaning a toilet.  He never beat or abused his family.  He genuinely loved them as much as he knew how What struck Kate and I was that their marriage, at least from Mom’s point of view was one of endurance.  Graceful endurance to be sure, but only of endurance.  Self sacrifice for the sake of the children and all that is good, but as for the dad he was just another person to be taken care of.

We decided we would like a marriage of mutual engagement rather than one of endurance.  Poor dad in the movie was working, sure, but his wife really didn’t encourage him much or engage him to try and effect change.  Sure change is not always going to happen, but she just seemed to check out of the marriage for the sake of the children.  This is a movie so my assumptions may not reflect events that happened and I could be totally wrong, but from what I saw the marriage was not one where Mom and Dad actually cared for each other in any but the most superficial sense of the word.  Mom only just endured her husband.

So what do you think?  A marriage of mutual engagement or one of mutual endurance?

Here we are in the new year.  I resolve to keep up posting.  How about you?

Katie, Lucy, Little Fetal Contortionist and I traveled to Minnesota for Christmas.  It was wonderful to see friends and spend lots of time bumming around and not getting much sleep.  The no sleep part prompted us to come home earlier than we were thinking.  We rolled in to GR on New Years Eve after 14 hours in the car.  Not a bad run, but the butts were tired and Lucy slept well (after she was in bed that is).  Kate and I stayed up to watch the ball drop and wondered why we were not in bed.  I can’t say we are that big into celebrating the New Year.  The promise of the future is rather empty in my opinion.  I guess it depends on who is promising what.  I am not sure that New Year can promise much of anything.

The best personification of Time I have ever come across is in The Silver Chair and The Last Battle. Even then, Father Time did the bidding of someone other than himself: thus he made no promises himself.

We keep trying to keep to the Church year for our celebrations.  We are not really used to it so it’s a hit and miss endeavor.

Lucy has recently decided she likes hide in small and hard to reach places.  A joy to watch her.

This blog has not been kept up with the level of activity that I originally started it with.  Lucy and school and life in general took over and my goal to make posting a priority has not been met.  Just so you blog readers don’t feel too left out, I have been shirking a few school assignments as well.  No worries though, I am not in danger of failing out or anything.

Much has happened.  We wrote and shot our student projects.  The result will be available online closer to Christmas when it is finally done.  Post Production is a bear to work through, especially when it’s not you who is responsible to get it done.  I think you all will enjoy the film.  It’s quite funny.  Josh has completed the behind the scenes video and it really does show what it was like to work on the set.  The really funny part is that the video is almost 4 times as long as the actual film.

One of the best teachers the school had was let go.  He was very much a spiritual and artistic mentor.  While i understand the reasons the school let him go, I whole-heartedly disagree with them.  It has been really rough on the students.  I am still convinced that Compass is a worthwhile place to be, but the best analogy I can draw is that for me I feel a bit like Jacob when he woke up next to Lea instead of Rachael.  He had an understanding of what (who) he would get out of the bargain and the powers that be pulled a switcheroo that left him in a lurch for another 7 years.  Suffice it to say that I have another example of how I will never run a company.   Money serves us, we do not serve it.  ‘Nuff said

One of our final assignments was to create an Artists Statement.  Here is the text of mine.  I would love to hear your feedback (and your own vocational statements) in the comments.

Artists Statement

In The Incredibles, Helen Par tells her children to protect their identity; it’s their most important possession. Brad Bird has done his audience a great service by including this line.  I have often wondered if Mr. Bird is a Christian because this line is in his movie.

Our identity is something we own, but it is something we are given.   Everything we do as human beings comes from our identity.

As for my identity…

I am Peter Nathaniel Johnson, Child of God.  God is at the beginning and my parents gave me the middle part, Jesus gave me the last part.  None of these names do I take lightly.  When I identify myself I can only start with “I am.”  This tells me that even if I did not have “Child of God” in my name, I am still not my own person because “I am” is someone else’s name.  Every person on earth can only self identify by including the name of the one who made them.

Humans are composed of two interrelated parts; being and action.  The two parts in their fullness are a mystery to me, expect that I know that they exist and the cannot be separated.  If I am Peter Nathaniel Johnson, Child of God, then I have another part of me.  What do I have to do?

I have to love.  Put simply, all actions that I do must be love.  The best definition I have found of love is the steady direction of the will toward the lasting good of another.  Any action I take must be for the good of my fellow man.  I only know this because Jesus modeled it and took the action he took for my lasting good.

What form do these love actions take?  How am I going to do, what I have to do?

First, I will act through the vocations I am called to. My first vocation is to love God, my second vocation is to my family and then community.  My third vocation is my calling to artistry.  This order must be maintained my whole person won’t function in peace.

I will tell stories to fulfill my calling to art.  I will seek to illuminate the mysteries of such things like identity and love.  I will tell stories that don’t seek to answer the questions of the mysteries, that is for a preacher to do.  I will try to explain the questions that define just what mysteries are.

Why do this?  I have a hope that is heaven.  I choose to believe that Revelations tells us the end of this earthly story.  The beauty of Heaven has captured me and I am drawn to it like nothing else.  This Heavenly hope is one that I desire for others to share.  I am not out to convert anyone.  Indeed I can’t do such a thing, I don’t make decisions for other people.  But I see an alluring beauty and I must share it.

I am Peter Nathaniel Johnson, Child of God, and as an artist I seek to love and serve my fellow man by telling stories that illumine the mysteries of this life because I hope for Heaven.

My cousin Mary sent me this photo of our grandpa, Earl Harms, who died fourteen years ago. This particular photograph resonates with my memory of my beloved grandpa so clearly. Grandpa built houses. Not for money, for people. Houses for his family. Houses for his friends. He built my parents’ house. He built Mary’s parents’ house. The first house he built for he and my grandma, he dug out the basement with a shovel. This photo shows him years later, when he had a backhoe to work with.

My grandpa knew how to work hard. He also knew how to enjoy rest. Perhaps that’s why this photo reminds me of him so much. It’s Grandpa at work and rest. Specifically, Grandpa taking a rest from work. Everything about him – his stance, the outlook of his eyes, the contentment on his face – says, “It is good. The work is good. The rest is good.”

Throughout the past fourteen years, I’ve been blessed to have Grandpa “visit” me in my dreams now and then. I call them visits because he isn’t just a part of my dream stories, he appears unexpectedly. Every time I’m astonished to see him and I ask, “Grandpa, where have you been all this time?” And in every dream, Grandpa’s response to me – in his smile and sparkling eyes – is the same: “It is good.”

There’s a quote from Wendell Berry in his book Jayber Crow:

I am a man who has hoped, in time, that his life, when poured out at the end, would say, “Good-good-good-good-good!,” like a gallon jug of the prime local spirit.

Much of the time I feel worn out, used up, by life. But, when I think of this quote and the way my grandpa lived his life, I’m inspired to see things with new eyes. It’s not that I’m worn out; I’m poured out. There’s a difference, and that difference is in whether or not I see what my grandpa saw: That it is good.

It is worth being poured out for that which is good.